Q: When you were making the analogy… earlier you were saying you don’t know the next 100 movies you’re going to see in your life but they can be good — can you apply that to men as well? Because (big laughter from the audience and from Q)… I mean, I’d clarify that but whether it’s myself or the clients I work with — I’m a therapist — there’s so much angst when the right partner, the “right man,” the “one” has not come. I was thinking, you know, if we didn’t have the attachment to what… there’s an attachment around, well, he’s gotta be the partner, the lifetime partner, but if we took it like the movies it really wouldn’t have to be like that, would it? Because whatever would be in front of you would be your now experience.
Abe: As most people — not all, but most people — approach the idea of relationship, they are unfulfilled, looking for a missing piece to fulfill them.
Q: Yes.
Abe: So the whole time that piece is missing, they are unfulfilled, which means they cannot find the piece because it’s missing. You have to be in the place of allowing the well-being to flow before it can come, you see. And that’s why so many relationships fill a little void for a while. But if you’re in the habit of finding voids to fill, then every relationship, the good part of it is temporary because you’re always reaching for something else to fill the new void that comes.
This isn’t a subject of relationships. This isn’t a subject of money. This isn’t a subject of filling the laundry list. This is a subject of getting to the place of feeling for no good reason other than it’s natural. So that all things that I have defined in this physical format and beyond can be fulfilled, revealed to me now.
We don’t know [what] you can easily say to someone who is all upset about someone missing in their life, because as long as they feel that upsetness they can’t let in what they really want. So we do what mothers of small children do: we try to distract them from what’s really bothering them. Because if they are not activating the sense of loss or loneliness, then their desire can be fulfilled. And so then we would talk to them like this: as they say, “Oh, it’s been so long,” we would say, those words aren’t getting you anywhere. And they would say, “But they are true. Shouldn’t I tell you like it is?” And we say, only if you want more of what is. And they would say, “Well, I don’t want more of what is. I don’t want more absence of my mate.” And so we say, well, then let’s talk about something else. And they say, “Well, I don’t really want to talk about anything else because this is the thing that matters the most to me.” And we say, all right, then let’s talk about what you really want. And they say, “Well, what I really want is something that I don’t have.” And we say, well, we shouldn’t talk about what you have, we should talk about what you want. And they way, “Well, it’s so painful to talk about what I want because it just reminds me of what I don’t have.”
And we say, you are in this place where you cannot win. You’re saying, “I want this thing I do not have and do not have and do not have and do not have. Did I mention to you that I do not have this thing I want? I do not have this thing I want!” And we say, well, how do you feel? And they say, “I’m miserable because I do not have this thing I want!” And we say, well, that will not get you to this thing you want. And they say, “I know, can you please help me?” (Laughter from audience and from Q.) And we say, yes, we can help you. But you’ve got to talk about what you do want. And they say, “I can’t talk about what I do want because when I talk about what I do want it reminds me that I don’t have what I do want!” And we say, well, is there anything? Is there anything working in your life? And they say, (in a small, hesitant voice:) “Yes. Yes.” And we say, would you like to talk about it? And they say, “No! I need to talk with you about the things that are not working.” And we say, therein lies your problem. When you talk constantly about the things that are not working, you do not amplify or escalate what does work.
In every powerful Now, you’re [either] escalating what works or you’re escalating what doesn’t work. And everything is tied together, so if you can find one little piece in something in your life that works and talk about it, praise it, bask over it, pat yourself on the back, tell others about it, feel good about it, feel smug about it, feel happy about it, what happens is you hold yourself in a state of perpetual allowing of good things. And then other things on other topics are allowed because of your holding yourself in this holding pattern of well-being relative to one thing.
Q: Yeah. I’ve experienced that, actually.
Abe: Yes.
Q: My career started taking off when I got my attention off my career, when I was in a relationship.
Abe: And relationships will take off when you get your attention off the relationship that isn’t there. Sometimes you’re at the place where you can start thinking about the relationship and thinking about the relationship is life-giving. It’s delicious, it’s lovely, it gives you goose-bumps. And so under those conditions, don’t think about something else — think about that. But use the wisdom that comes with your emotions to know whether the thought that you’re thinking is allowing what you want or whether it’s disallowing. You can tell. It’s not hard to tell. Good feels good and resisting good does not feel good. You can always tell.
Q: Okay.
Abe: And if you’re not sure, just keep doing whatever you’re doing and pretty soon you’ll be able to tell.
Q: Right. It’ll get bigger.
Abe: Because whatever direction you’re going is going to become more and more and more.
Q: Right.
Abe: We think that sometimes what happens is that… most of you are not using your power of focus. And part of that is because of the diversity of your life, because of the fast [movement] of your life, because of the variety of your life. And so you cannot actually stay on one subject only for a long period of time. But if you will pick a subject that pleases you and use it to really make yourself feel good as much as you can, you’ll begin to feel the momentum of all of that.
When you achieve a certain vibrational level relative to one subject, that’s the vibration that’s activated within you, which means every subject that’s going to come to you has to meet you at that level. So it is not possible to feel lucky in love without enhancing your financial fortune as well. Unless you keep beating the drum of the financial problems, you see. So getting a little happy about one thing serves you in a lot of things, just like getting a little unhappy about one thing is detrimental, relative a lot of things.
So let’s not make it complicated. Let’s just say find something to get happy about and focus on it. Focus on it. Focus on it.
— Abe — Los Angeles, CA, 2/1/03